I feel like it was literally just the other day I was in elementary school with my gawky self and slanted glasses. I played with my so called friends, who were really just bitches in disguise. I remember thinking how old 21 sounded and the very idea of twenties in itself seemingly daunting. Now that I’m here though, I can definitely say the experience is a whole host of lessons learned and a whirlwind of emotions. On the positive side, growing older makes you feel more liberated. You’ve finally grown into your looks and the glo up is real. You can say and think whatever you want for the most part because you can. You make your own decisions and define your own reality.
However, on the flip side, growing up has its negatives and if anyone tells you otherwise, they are either lying or have gone so far down into their emotions that they are so used to certain feelings. I don't want to sound like a pessimist but I also always keep it real. It isn't easy because what no one wants to admit is that we are all one big hot mess at this point in our lives, concealed with tall Starbucks frappuccino's, glamorous Facebook and Instagram posts, and gadgets that keep us distracted from our problems. But inside, we are grappling with who we are and how we want the world to perceive us. We wonder why our paths seem different from everyone else's. We want to know what we will do after school and what the future holds.
We think about what it feels like to truly be in love when we are stopped in our tracks again by a new relationship post on our feeds. We feel pressured, unsure, and desperately wish that adulthood didn't seem so complicated. We silently have these thoughts that swirl around in our minds but we are too afraid to open up for fear of being that person who seems like a hot mess 24/7. Let's not forget that the older we get, the more it seems as if no one is really there for you. I know this isn't true because I do have people in my life who care about me, but it's definitely a different feeling. It's the feeling of people being there for you, but from a far because everyone is secretly trying to sort out their own lives. For a while I would get angry because it seemed as if I would pour my heart out and be there for people and in return no one gave a flying f*ck.
But, then I realized that everyone is going through something, particularly those in their 20's. Everyone is on their own little journey and although it's filled with new experiences and enlightenment, it's ok to say that we just don't know what we are doing from time to time. I want us to actually get to a point where we feel it's ok to be open and vulnerable with our emotions. We live in a society where we are just taught to keep it together. The minute we step outside our doors our forlorn expressions must be magically switched to a decent disposition with a dash of energy ready to greet anyone who passes us by.
But we are human and this isn’t a human reality. We deal with real life stuff and we deserve to recognize that we can just chill and be normal. So what’s the solution to these crappy feelings? Well, from experience I’m just assuming that time heals all. There will be days that are crappy but it won’t last forever, even though in the moment it hurts. We should remind ourselves of the good things that have happened in the past, the happy moments, and feel certain that they will come again. No one really knows what our peers go through behind closed doors so we need to be there for one another and offer an ear to listen when in need. We need to listen to our friends’ cry their hearts out sometimes and shout that they have no clue what to do with their lives and offer solid advice instead of a weak, “I understand.”
Slowly but surely, we need to stop comparing our lives to other people because we know that never helps us in the end. We need to stop holding everything in and just admit that for now, our young 20 something selves are sorting everything out. We'll get to a stage where everything makes sense. I feel your pain, frustration, and confusion. I guess we'll ride the waves for now, knowing that someday it will all make sense.
