Diary of an Introvert: Semi now...the world changes you

I’m an introvert. Well, partly. I have been since childhood and what most people confuse for shy actually has a name and an explanation. Introverted people are thought to focus more on internal feelings and moods as opposed to seeking out external stimulation. In terms of traits, introverts tend to be more quiet, reserved, and quite introspective. It is also said that introverts need time to recharge after being out for certain periods of time and that it takes more energy to socialize than that of an extrovert. Now, I mentioned earlier that I consider myself to be partly introverted, and this too has a term, ambivert. Weird right? All these names for how we perceive ourselves, but at least there is an explanation for it all. The reason why I consider myself to be an ambivert is because although I am highly introspective and in my head a lot of the times, I make an extra effort to be social in public situations and I do it well. I still have a way to go, but I can spark up a random conversation with someone when I’m out and I’m sure to do so because I feel like I have to. Now I am not saying that introverts don’t do this, but people have told me that they wouldn’t consider me shy and this because of the way I carry myself and of course, there is a reason. I’ve been in public settings where I know absolutely no one and I begin to feel extremely uncomfortable. I start to think, omg people must think I’m such a loner, I have no one to talk to…they are probably wondering why I am so shy. So, as a result, I try to spark conversations with people in public and work through my introversion. I’ve gotten shy equated with me during my childhood and there is this negative connotation associated with it in our society. I remember distinctly feeling out of place a lot of the times when I went to family functions because I considered myself to be different from everyone else. I was quieter than my cousins and everyone always wanted me to break out of my shell. It definitely affected my self-esteem. For a long time I thought something was wrong with me, but now I know that I have introverted traits. For introverts reading this, trust me, I share your pain. It is definitely not easy to have a reserved personality in a society that shuns the shy guy. Even when applying for jobs you may be told to be outgoing and for someone who isn’t, this can seem like a lot of work. Although I try and handle myself when I’m in public, I am still not a fan of crowds, at all. It gives me anxiety and I often feel like I want to run away, but with time, that will get easier. Introverts have to work harder than those who are outgoing because our society is a society of the loud and the memorable. People want to be around those who can crack a joke and attract others to them. It’s effed up in a way, but that’s how it goes unfortunately. My advice for introverts is to slowly but surely make a way for yourself to be memorable. I am not saying to change who you are, but I know the pain you feel being in social settings and to ease the pain, be the first one to introduce yourself. The more you sit quietly, the more uncomfortable you will feel. Making the first move can be exactly what you need to improve your self-esteem and you’ll be surprised at how well you conduct yourself. Introverts are often put on the back burner, but we have all kinds of power. We just have to use it.