Diary of an Introvert: Semi now...the world changes you

I’m an introvert. Well, partly. I have been since childhood and what most people confuse for shy actually has a name and an explanation. Introverted people are thought to focus more on internal feelings and moods as opposed to seeking out external stimulation. In terms of traits, introverts tend to be more quiet, reserved, and quite introspective. It is also said that introverts need time to recharge after being out for certain periods of time and that it takes more energy to socialize than that of an extrovert. Now, I mentioned earlier that I consider myself to be partly introverted, and this too has a term, ambivert. Weird right? All these names for how we perceive ourselves, but at least there is an explanation for it all. The reason why I consider myself to be an ambivert is because although I am highly introspective and in my head a lot of the times, I make an extra effort to be social in public situations and I do it well. I still have a way to go, but I can spark up a random conversation with someone when I’m out and I’m sure to do so because I feel like I have to. Now I am not saying that introverts don’t do this, but people have told me that they wouldn’t consider me shy and this because of the way I carry myself and of course, there is a reason. I’ve been in public settings where I know absolutely no one and I begin to feel extremely uncomfortable. I start to think, omg people must think I’m such a loner, I have no one to talk to…they are probably wondering why I am so shy. So, as a result, I try to spark conversations with people in public and work through my introversion. I’ve gotten shy equated with me during my childhood and there is this negative connotation associated with it in our society. I remember distinctly feeling out of place a lot of the times when I went to family functions because I considered myself to be different from everyone else. I was quieter than my cousins and everyone always wanted me to break out of my shell. It definitely affected my self-esteem. For a long time I thought something was wrong with me, but now I know that I have introverted traits. For introverts reading this, trust me, I share your pain. It is definitely not easy to have a reserved personality in a society that shuns the shy guy. Even when applying for jobs you may be told to be outgoing and for someone who isn’t, this can seem like a lot of work. Although I try and handle myself when I’m in public, I am still not a fan of crowds, at all. It gives me anxiety and I often feel like I want to run away, but with time, that will get easier. Introverts have to work harder than those who are outgoing because our society is a society of the loud and the memorable. People want to be around those who can crack a joke and attract others to them. It’s effed up in a way, but that’s how it goes unfortunately. My advice for introverts is to slowly but surely make a way for yourself to be memorable. I am not saying to change who you are, but I know the pain you feel being in social settings and to ease the pain, be the first one to introduce yourself. The more you sit quietly, the more uncomfortable you will feel. Making the first move can be exactly what you need to improve your self-esteem and you’ll be surprised at how well you conduct yourself. Introverts are often put on the back burner, but we have all kinds of power. We just have to use it.

Imperfection is Beauty: We are perfect just the way we are

I believe as individuals, we are all on this planet to fulfill a purpose. 
If we weren’t what would be the point of living?  No one can tell me that working a 9-5 shift, sleeping, eating, and doing groceries is all we came here for. There is a higher purpose for all of our lives. One of the things that comes along with that purpose is accepting who we are, just as we are. I’m on that journey now, but to be honest, I think I’ve been on this journey for quite a while. One of the things that I’m working through is trying not to criticize myself. I do this quite a lot. If we are going to get superficial, sometimes it’s hard for me to look into the mirror and simply be happy with who I am, but I am worth loving, so I will continue to work on my self-esteem. Criticism doesn’t just go for looks, it goes for everything. Whether it be our physical appearances or our current life standing, we need to learn acceptance. I know, it’s not that easy, but everything takes time, and with time also comes practice.

We need to be kind and patient with ourselves as we trudge along on this journey called life. I believe in God, and I believe that He has us exactly where we need to be in our lives. Nothing is based on coincidence. He has planned our victories, our tribulations, and our tests because they conspire for our benefit. So, perfectionism really just doesn’t make any sense. If God accepts us, then we should accept us. Now, I am vomiting a whole lot of beautiful philosophy here, but please don’t be under the impression that I have my shit sorted out. I don’t. I am on a journey and writing what I feel is therapeutic and it gives my feelings purpose. Through writing, I hope to help myself and my readers as well. The truth is, we are all a little bit of a mess in some ways. No one has it all together. But there is beauty in imperfection because it allows us to be real and vulnerable and unapologetically honest with ourselves. I am aiming to get to a place where I am totally at peace with who I am. We all are in some way. So as we sort ourselves out day by day, let us remember that perfection may be a stumbling block. We are exactly the way we need to be. And that is beautiful.

I'm on the hunt people. Not for bears, but for a damn JOB. Again. (But, I learned some things along the way)

Ahh, job hunting. All students can relate. School ends and for those who haven’t hopped on the job hunting bandwagon right away (ME), now is the time to do all of the lovely and amazing things that have to do with applying for a job. Please note that the sarcasm put into that last sentence was quite deep. There’s the online applications with the surveys and the profile creations. Now this isn’t always tedious, but sometimes it can be. Like damn, I am applying for a part-time job, not my career. However, I guess this is policy and with policy comes effort. So far, I haven’t had any luck applying online. I fixed up my resume thanks to a friend who advised me that it needed some work, so hopefully this makes a big difference.

Personally, I am not a fan of applying for jobs online. I just feel like because employers can’t see you and your awesomeness, you are just another resume to be scanned. I feel like chances are slim this way. However, I heard this is actually the best way to apply for jobs. We’ll see about that. In an effort to make myself known, I went on a hunt through Yorkdale and handed out my resume everywhere. Chile, when I tell you the desperateness was real. LOL I made it known that I was eager to work and when asked of my availability, I said all day every day. Just CALL ME. Lmao. My hunt was pretty successful. A few places said they were hiring, but of course, I can’t give up. Just because a store takes your resume and smiles at you, does not mean you got the job or that they will call. So my hopes are up, but I’m being smart here. On a side note, there are a few things I learned when anticipating work.

1.       Know the company through and through

Okay, I just wasn’t prepared in this aspect. I literally just printed out resumes and handed them out to random places hoping to get a job. LOL. However, when speaking with employers, they actually want to know that you took the time to study the company. One company asked me what the latest fashion trends right now are.  I smiled, and smiled some more, and admitted in the most charming way that my ass hadn’t had a clue. So, I now know that even if I sporadically decide to go on a job hunt, having information about a few companies that are hiring will help greatly and leave an impression on employers. Research is key

2.       Print LOTS OF RESUMES

I printed 20 resumes and thought I was good. I had them all tucked away in a duo-tang folder and I was like yes, imma get hired today! However, I ran out of resumes and found stores that were hiring! It’s a bummer because then some employers will only take your resume and if they do give you an application to fill out there, it still leaves the impression that you are not prepared. I believe 40 resumes would be most ideal, even more at that. Well, as long as you have a printer and the fees to pay if you go to a library!

3.       Smile, be charming, and even humorous

Applying for jobs in person is not that hard really, but first impressions are everything. It can be nerve racking for some people, but my advice is to plaster on a smile and be as charming as possible. I am more on the reserved side, but I hardly show it in public. Ain’t nobody got time for that. So, even if it seems scary, remember that what you give out you get back. The employer interviewing you has no clue what you are thinking or your true emotions. So if you give the impression of calmness and charm that is exactly what they will get.  Answer each question enthusiastically and if asked about your hobbies, don’t say the least extraordinary hobby (e.g. reading), but say something like watching thriller movies or singing.  Not that reading isn't awesome, but every employer is different and for some, the last thing they read was a How To manuel.

4.       Don’t underestimate your worth when it comes to a job

I did this often. If a store looked, well, boogie, I thought I should just stick to something more low-end. However, we can’t stay in the same job category forever and we can have whatever job we want as long as we are willing to work and play our roles well. We have to believe that we are not beneath any form of employment. This is a serious lesson for me. I have the skills and charm to do any job I want and so do you, so what is there to be concerned about?

Music Really Does Make You Happier

“Beyoncé: “Base…Hi hat…808…Jay Z: “Uh huh, ready?” Beyoncé: “Let’s go get em!” These are the beginning lyrics to Beyoncé’s upbeat and totally bumping tune, "Déjà vu", off of her B-Day album.  Like many artists, although Beyoncé has a particular IT factor, music is made to be catchy, the background music, usually so enticing that most people don’t really listen to the lyrics. However, what no one can deny is that the universal touch of music can really make one happy. I know for myself that music is a great way to get yourself into a great mood. I ride the TTC (no license yet, but bear with me!) and I always see people on the bus either staring out into space, trying not to stare into space for fear of making eye contact with someone, or listening to music. This is usually the case first thing in the morning, because Lord knows some people (ME) need a pick me up for mornings. 

That being said, this just proves how effective music really is. It allows us to really let go of our worries and focus solely on the music we are listening to. Mindfulness is key to focusing. Our minds are often spinning with thoughts and being mindful really puts everything into perspective. Not to mention it makes us want to be in the videos too! Do not even get me started! Whenever I listen to music, especially Beyoncé for instance, my ass all of a sudden wants to break out into Kunte Kente dance moves or get my bump and grind on. Think “Grown Woman” when she got her African on. (Don’t act like ya’ll haven’t done it. I know you do it in front of the bathroom mirror, LOL).  So, music is a great stress reliever and actually allows us to truly interpret expressions of life through art. Some great songs include, “Happy” by Pharrell, “Conga “by Gloria Estefan, and old school music, particularly the R&B kind. I don’t care what anyone says, old school music is bomb ok! So try to listen to a song you like every day and see what it does for you. You will feel better and you will become more mindful. Later ya’ll!

The Truth About Mental Health

Mental illness. It’s really something that no one wants to talk about. It’s an uncomfortable topic, the type that makes most people want to change the subject either out of fear of bringing forth any past or current emotions, or because some have no clue what it feels like to be anxious or depressed for instance, so the subject may change to the beautiful weather outside and a trip to a shopping mall. What’s interesting and frustrating about it, is the fact that what’s inside your head can’t be seen by anyone else. There is no band aid that can be placed on the brain to heal one from destructive thoughts, doubts, and fears. No one can see that the woman who smiles every day at the local market fakes it most of the times for fear of being weak.
 

Let’s face it, we live in a society where fake it until you make it is the realest motto out there. No one really wants anyone to see them cry, so they smile instead, even if it hurts sometimes. For mental illnesses like depression, I realized that although recovery is 100% possible, total recovery takes effort. Lots and lots of effort. I experienced a very serious depression in 2013. It was awful.  I felt as if my mind and soul had shut down completely, and my flesh was all that was present. It is a very serious illness. Now, I still have my days, and I am definitely not afraid to admit that. I’m human and I am still fighting to stay revitalized and positive daily.  I'll be completly honest with you, it's still a struggle to get out of bed sometimes and my moods fluctuate, but I am doing the best I can and with God, all things are possible. For anyone of my readers who have ever felt down, don’t criticize yourself for feeling that way, but reward yourself for every bit of effort you are making to stay on a straight and narrow path. You woke up this morning and started your day, but you didn’t have to. You could have wallowed in bed and forgot all about doing the little things that need to be done. Ladies, you put your makeup on. That’s a step. Men, you sprayed some cologne on your neck even though you didn’t feel like it. Little steps, mean future progress and success and we deserve to be rewarded for our initiative. I am strong and you are strong. We are in this together.

The Lesson Behind Frustration

Can you think of the last time you were frustrated? If you are anything like me (impatient, hasty, and somewhat of a recovering perfectionist) I'm sure you did not have to think about this for too long. Let's face it, a lot of times in life we want things done fast and just right immediately. For instance, I've actually been having trouble setting up this blog. I've never been good with technology (I learned how to type in the ninth grade lmao), and I know this is not Java Script, but I'm still having trouble navigating this thing. Shout out to all the bloggers out there because the process behind the content takes some work ya'll! Now I may be a tad bit dramatic, (yes, lol) but finding colours, thinking of a name, actually takes time, at least if you want it done right.

However, I think my frustration actually makes for a great blog post because many of us need to learn the art of patience. Patience, it is a very vital skill to learn and if all of us can grasp this, life would flow a lot smoother and with ease. I think what screws most of us over is the belief that a goal, a vision, a lifestyle change, or simply anything that takes work, thought, and effort, can be done in one day and to a T. But as we know with ups and downs in life, there is no accomplishment or result without a little push and pull. Struggles are what keep us going and what motivates us to change and be better. If everything went our way then we would all be on our asses thinking this is it, I done made it and this is the best I can do. We are all on a life journey and doing the best we can with the information we have thus far. So if you have been frustrated and in a rut lately, which we have all been at some point, remember that patience is the best way to deal with frustration of any sort. If you need a moment or a day to get it together, do that and then get back to what you have been focusing on, whether it be school, a BLOG (lol), a difficult decision you have been wanting to make, or any other aspect of your life that you have been aiming to improve. As we learn along the way, life isn't really what we expect it to be at times, but with patience, things will fall into place. So as I log off now, please have patience while I sort my blog out. Your girl is learning! XOXO